Tension

Example One (original):

Amanda set off home as it was starting to get dark. She felt the chill of the night air, so she cut through a passageway that ran between two newly-built houses. She ignored how dark the ally was and carried on walking, though she started to think she could hear footsteps behind her.

Example Two (improved):

Amanda set off home as it was starting to get dark. She felt the chill of the night air, so she cut through a dark alleyway. As she stepped into it, the darkness thickened. Amanda walked more quickly. What was that? She thought she’d heard something. She walked on. There it was again. Footsteps.